It’s just
one of those nights. I went to bed three hours ago but here I am, still awake.
There’s too much running through my head for me to even begin to fathom the
thought of falling asleep. Quite honestly it’s the last thing on my mind. Before
it on the list is a jumbled up pile of emotions. Thoughts of uncertainty for my
future intertwined with my imminent needs and circumstance barricade my brain
from moving forward. I’m scared and frustrated and stressed yet at the same
time I’m grateful and excited to see what lies ahead for me. This combination,
as unpleasant as it may be, is one that I’ve come to know very well in my 19
years of life.
It’s my first semester of college. I’m
away from home and the emotions are far from what I've dreamed of over the past
few years. I miss my family. I struggle with the sudden shift in responsibility
that now leaves me to choose whether or not it’s worth it to spend a few more
bucks for real food or just buy the fake fifty-cent grayish canned version. I don’t
know what course to take in order to achieve my goals and it seems as if nobody
has a good answer for me. I feel alone even in a room full of people.
I have been blessed with the ability
to attend a four year university that is providing me with an incredible
education. I have a family that loves me and would do anything for me, they’re
mine for eternity. I was blessed with a job prior to coming to school that
allowed me to gain experience far above my expectations and provided me the
ability to find a way to enjoy my first semester of college without stressing
about the “Canned VS. Fresh” debate too much. I know what I want to do and I
have dreams that I will find a way to achieve no matter what anybody says. I
have enough close friends here to fill a room. I am never truly alone.
So why is it that we allow these two
perspectives to intertwine and cause a raging headache that keeps us up at
night? To be completely honest I don’t think it’s really our choice. Maybe I’m
just prone to worrying too much but I believe that the stresses of everyday
life are some of the most emotionally tolling thoughts that we’re forced to
confront. I have spent hours upon hours agonizing over these emotions and not
getting anywhere. Hopelessness seems inevitable.
At a recent devotional I learned a
not so secret fact that helps ease the sleepless-hopeless nights. Are you ready
for this?
We know the end of the plan. We know
we have the ability to one day return to live with our Heavenly Father, there
is no “opting out” of this plan. There is life after our time on Earth. We preach
and prophesy of this plan, so why is it that we allow these events that are in
reality so small cloud our view of what lies ahead? To get us so upset that we
look down and feel despair instead of looking up and expressing thanks for the
blessings that are so abundantly poured into our lives?
Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect
at the practicing of this principle. I've had moments of doubt and internal
struggles that I assumed beyond repair. I've hung my head and been angry, but I’m
done with that.
I know we have a Father in Heaven
and a Savior who love us in ways there are not words for. I know that I have
the ability to one day return to live with them leaving the struggles of this
earthly life behind to meet in their embrace. They aren't “too cool” for any of
us. They love us in our doubts and our shortcomings and our struggles even when
we find it difficult to love ourselves. They have placed these trials and
tribulations upon us so we can grow and learn, they may be hard but they will
not leave us alone with them. They are ALWAYS there and they are ALWAYS willing
to help if we will just reach out and turn to them.
Well there it is. The “deep”
thoughts of some 19 year old kid who’s a little homesick and trying to be a
little happier. Who knows, maybe this all sounds crazy, and maybe I’m just
crazy, but I know that I want that moment of embrace with Christ to be the best
and sweetest and most genuine embrace it could possibly be.
So that’s it. Me telling the whole
world that I’m going to try a little harder to be a little better and think a
little happier.
“Some
blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for
those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.” –Jeffrey R Holland
